The Colonel Vs The Parson's 10 Snafus
by pastorannie
Summary: 10 Snafus that make Colonel John Casey angry, and one that doesn't.
1. Chapter 1

The Colonel Vs. The Parson's 5 Snafus

5 times, Colonel Johnathan Ryan Casey wished he had never met Parson Annie Coburn, his current fiance.

1. She had a horribly busy weekend, and they saw little of each other either Friday or Saturday. He had planned to attend her church on Sunday, but the General had called his secure line and he needed to drive up to the Joint Base in Lakewood and fly back to Burbank by 4:00p.m. Sunday afternoon. They managed to slip in a delicious private barbeque on Friday night after her wedding rehearsal but by the time she had come home Saturday night after the wedding, they only had desert together before he headed for the hotel. So his only prayer for some decent time was that she would not have anyone trap her in her office for counseling after she preached. But sure enough, Lonnie, the proverbial whiner, caught up to Casey's parson, and by 12:30 after church, John was chopping at the bit, hands folded tightly across his chest, eyes glaring at her closed door. Finally, she opened it, noticed his body language, and scooted Lonnie out swiftly and effectively. She held up her index finger and then pointed it to the ladies room. She rushed in there to go to the bathroom, but the tall Marine just followed her into the restroom, and right into the large wheelchair stall she was going to use. Her eyes grew big, and before she could shooshed him out of the stall, he leaned over, straddled the toilet, pushing her until her back was on the wall, and hungerly kissed her. His tongue demanded entrance, and she groaned at his sexual force. His right hand clasped her head and pulled her even nearer to his body, and they stood trying to make sure neither one of them would trip into the toilet. Neither one of them wanted this madness to end, until a little girl, in the next stall, peeked under the partition, her brown eyes wide and her giggles echoing through the room.

"Pastor, why is Mr. Casey using your stall? Does he need to tinkle too?"

2. It was the parson's time to preach at the 24 hour drug church in town, but Casey was visiting that day, also. He was not comfortable with letting her go preach to these drug and alcohol addicted men, even if she told him that none of them had ever scared her, and that they loved to hear her sing. So he offered to carry her Bible and guitar into the building, but she balked at that, knowing they could pick a law man such as him out of a crowd of hundreds. He grudgingly let her go, realizing that he could not control this stubborn and called woman of his. But it went against everything he believed in about protecting those who needed his soldiering. So he went down to the 2nd hand store, bought some ratty overalls, a pair of dusty, busted size 13 boots, and a hooded jacket to cover his face. He parked the Vic about two blocks away from the drug church, and when no one was watching, he slipped out, bent over, and began limping heavily to the back door of the church. One of the main leaders, Mark, stepped out, stopping John, and tried to turn him away, but John, slurring his speech, demanded that he come in for a spell and here the words of Jesus from that there lady preacher. Mark tried to stare Casey down, but eventually, he allowed the huge man to enter, and showed him the back pew, in the darkest corner of the church room. Pastor Annie was already half way through, and she just nodded to the stranger as she continued to preach. At the end of her sermon, she picked up the worn guitar, tuned it up, and began to sing, _"As a deer panteth for the waters, so my soul panteth after thee..." _She got no further, when she was interrupted by two of the local police entering. They went right up to the stranger and before he could decide how to react, they slipped handcuffs on him and led him away. 15 minutes later, Annie was loading the guitar and Bible up in her Beetle Bug, and her cell phone rang out, with John Casey's picture on the screen.

"John, hi, honey, where are you? Everything, ok?

"I'm in the pockey, Parson. Come make my bail."

3. Pastor Annie Coburn was visiting the Colonel down in Burbank for the week, and she, Morgan and Alex were planning a surprise birthday party for the soldier. Chuck and Sarah, newly engaged, were in charge of the favors, Ellie and Devon were in charge of the food, and with some trepidation, Annie appointed Big Mike, Lester, and Jeff to provide the music. The courtyard of the apartment complex was resplendent with balloons, streamers, and Happy 55 Years Birthday Banners. Candles were lit around the fountain and a non alcoholic punchbowl sat along side the spiked punch bowl, courtesy of Jeff. The party was to begin at 8p.m. On Friday, and all the apartment renters were spilling out of Chuck and Sarah's place, laughing and talking. Annie had made sure John's home was safe to anyone who wanted to visit; his guns were all cleaned and hidden away, his computers locked and turned off, and his bonsei tree put carefully up on his fireplace mantel. All was ready, but the birthday boy had not showed up, and it was now 10 p.m. Annie tried to call him, but it went into his voice mail box instantly. She checked once more around his apartment, to see if he left a note or a clue as to his whereabouts. She called Greta at the Buy More, but after checking all over the store, Greta said he left to go home about 6 o'clock. Annie was beginning to get worried, but she was thankful that Big Mike and Jeffster were successfully entertaining the crowd with a combination of Earth, Wind, Fire and Rain hits, as well as classics from Neil Diamond. Annie had gone to check in with Alex whose arm was around Morgan, when Morgan dropped his class and his face went pure white. Annie followed his stare, as did all the other people. There, standing in the courtyard entrance, was a 6 foot 4 inch bloodied, cut, bruised man, barely upright, in boxers that scarcely concealed his front. His blue eyes were shockingly brilliant against the blood that dripped down his face, and he could only stare at Annie, his lips cracked, and his voice cracking.

"Hi, Parson, am I late?" he croaked out, and then promptly fell flat on his face in front of 50 people.

4. It had been a wet, and woolly winter in the Pacific Northwest, and Pastor Annie was dying to see springtime come. Her congregation was constantly sick with flu and bronchitis, and one by one, they would need a visit for her. Col. Casey watched her woman with respect, as she ministered tirelessly to each member, with compassion and grace. She got the ladies group to make meals for the sick, and the youth group to try and clean houses and yards. John went to mow several of the elder's yards, and they grew to love and respect the Parson's man. Even the high school kids loved the Marine, and often he found that they would ask him questions about the military, and his own teen years. But after several weeks of caring for the sick, Annie herself got so ill that she needed to be hospitalized. When the tests came back as pneumonia and dehydration, Casey called the Leadership Council of the church, and they got another pastor to come in and preach for four weeks, to give Annie a break. He spent all his free time up with her, taking care of her, fixing her soup, and holding her when the coughing caused her to vomit. Slowly, she began to recover, and the next time John returned to Southern California, she went with him to lay out in the warm sun along the beach. Team Bartowski had just returned from a small mission, and John was ready to relax at the beach with Annie. He unlocked the door to his apartment, but Morgan and he found a short note explaining that she had taken some books and went to read at the beach. John gathered some juice and sandwiches and he and Morgan walked quickly to their favorite spot. Sure enough the small pastor was lying out in her bright peach bathing suit, a little yellow hat pulled over her eyes, her Bible open face down on her tummy. Casey smiled at the peaceful scene and he crept up to surprise her. However, when he did, she reared up, slammed her fist in his nose, and flipped him over onto his back in the sand. Before Morgan could stop her, she was straddling the Colonel, and had a small pistol pointed in his now broken nose. He tried to stop the blood spurting from his face, but his eyes were twinkling, and he laughed loudly but painfully,

"Our self defense classes really are working, huh, Parson?"

5. She had been asked to direct the town's patriotic festival choir, and Annie was excited as she called down to her favorite Marine. Col. John Casey listened patiently to his woman as she rattled on and on about the details that needed to be ironed out, but he really wasn't listening until she needed someone tall and lanky to play Abraham Lincoln. Before he could stop himself, he had volunteered the Intersect as Lincoln, and that somehow Morgan could become Ben Franklin. So the next two months, Casey, Morgan, and Chuck traveled to Annie's home town to learn the parts and play the roles. Everything was going in the right direction; the choirs had memorized their parts well, and Annie had asked John to do the Flag Presentation. When the 4th of July was on them, the day started bright and clear. However, halfway through the outdoor cantata, the skies grew dark, and as typically in Western Washington, a deluge of water came down from heaven. Hurriedly, everyone ran for cover, and John helped Harry with the expensive sound equipment. Food was moved in doors, and the barbeques were making very wet hot dogs and burgers. Pastor Annie was clearly upset, and a mixture of rain and tears were streaming down her face. Then, John got an idea. He helped Harry set up a portable sound system, and got everyone seated and quiet. John wiped the rain from his dress uniform and put his dress hat back on. He winked at his favorite parson, and then slowly, and steadily, his baritone voice ringing out among the wet folks of his church, he spoke the words of the Declaration of Independence:

_When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation._

_We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security._

The entire room was absolutely still, until Pastor Annie let out a huge sneeze, spraying the room with her spit and nose drippings. She looked horrified, for desecrating the sacredness of these words. Everyone laughed when Morgan, as Ben Franklin, stood up and said "As I always say, a sneeze in time saves nine!" Casey glared at him. And one snafu Casey loved best:

6. He had insisted she learn self defense. He had insisted she learn how to shoot various guns and how to tear them apart, clean them and put them back together again. He insisted that she learn to organize an overnight bag with everything a Marine's wife would need if she was called out on a spy mission. He even insisted she learn to trim his bonzai tree, and to make Morgan clean up after himself. But she insisted on making love in the morning, never going to bed mad in the evening, and she insisted that he make time for dates with his beautiful daughter, Alex. He gave her wild flowers on any day; she made him triple chocolate brownies whenever he had a difficult mission. He taught her to be a woman of great emotional strength, and she taught him to be a man of great spiritual strength. He helped Morgan move out to his own apartment, and she made new curtains for Morgan and Alex's new marital home. He handcrafted a beautiful rocking cradle, and she used it to place their newborn little girl in it. She held him when Chuck was shot up badly, and almost died. And he held her as she gave up her congregational call to become the N.S.A.'s chaplain. They worked seamlessly together, but she always let him go to Thursday night poker at the Buy More and he always let her go to Saturday morning spa day with the girls; Alex, Sarah, Ellie, and later with Dorrie Ann, their daughter. She held him back when he wanted to kill the boys that dated Dorrie Ann, and he held her back she wanted to kill them for hurting her daughter. And she cried when he, resplendent in his general's dress uniform, walked their beautiful daughter down the aisle. And he cried when he held his tiny grandson, John Alex, in his arms. And she held him gently in her arms, as the great soldier finally breathed his last breath this side of heaven. And he welcomed her home to eternity when she ran through those golden gates. She threw himself into his arms, and as they held each other, Jesus came up to them, blessed them, and together showed them around his beautiful home.

Love to hear from everyone about our couple's snafus. Hope you have a giggle or two. Please review! 


	2. Chapter 2

The Colonel Vs. the Parson's Next 5 Snafus

1. "I don't think it is going to hold us, Morgan." Pastor Annie Casey and Morgan Grimes were currently trying to put together a new deck swing, John's brithday present from the parson. The parts were all strewed over the courtyard, and Alex and Morgan sat crosslegged on the cobblestones trying to decipher the complicated directions that were written in broken English, French and even Arabic. Annie had brought out some iced tea, and homemade cookies, and Morgan promptly got up and sat beside her on the fountain's edge. He reached down to help Alex up, who just kept staring at the directions, even as Morgan tried to get her to hold on to the ice tea glass.

"We just need someone to either speak French or Arabic." Alex looked at Annie, her face in a thinking scrowl. Annie brightened and grabbed her cell phone. Quickly, she held up her hand, and spoke into the cell. "Ahman, are you busy right now? Oh, thank the Lord. Oh No, John is fine, but I am in a little bit of a pickle. Yeah, I know, I always seems to get myself in a pickle. I bought John a deck swing, but Alex, Morgan and I are having trouble reading the blasted directions." Morgan passed the sheet to Annie, who tried to stare the directions into submission. "The English is atrocious and I don't read French, and we think the other language is Arabic. Could you come help us? Oh, great. Listen, we will even bribe you with some iced tea and homemade cookies." Morgan humphed his approval, spraying cookie crumbs all over, and they heard Ahman Remington's laughter over the phone.

One hour later, the swing was assembled, and moved to the back patio. Indeed, the directions were in perfect Arabic, since the swing had been made in Saudia Arabia. With the last tightening of the swing's back bolts, the handsome Arabic chaplain smiled widely and shook hands with his do it yourself partners. The three friends disappeared rapidly when they heard John's voice ring out, in the apartment.

"Parson, you around?" John traveled quickly through the apartment, and then opening the sliding door to the back patio. He stopped dead in his tracks, a grin graced his handsome face, and he took in the sight of his new bride and her first birthday gift for him. He sweeped her up in a kiss and twirled her around rapidly.

"It's beautiful, how did you know, beloved?" John sat his laughing bride down, and caressed the swing with a gentle and respectful pet.

"Your mom told me that when you were young, the four of you boys would swing on the deck swing late at night, and swap ghost stories. So I thought we could start a new tradition, of swinging on the deck swing, and ..."

John moved so quickly he took her breath away. He placed his large, warm body right up against hers, and wiggled his eyebrows. "Who wants the ghost stories...let's make out." He grabbed her, and lifted her and set her gently on the swing. He then plopped down on the seat next to her and leaned over for a deep, thank you kiss. Annie was giggling so hard, she threw her arms around her husband, and he started the swing rocking. The next thing they knew, the swing back came apart from the frame and they both tipped over backwards, feet high in the night sky.

"Ahman Remington, if you are listening, I will kill you!" Annie yelled into the night, and sure enough, an Arabic dressed in a chaplain's uniform was seen running from the Echo Park Apartments.

2. It had been a botched mission from the beginning. Chuck and Sarah had both received wounds that required hospitalization, and Casey was home recuperating from a shattered knee cap. Morgan's right arm was broken and he was useless to help John motate around the apartment, so the boys decided to ask Casey's fiance to come down for a week and help. She brought new books, board games, ["ugh!" Casey growled] and her famous triple chocolate brownies that Casey locked up in his gun safe. ["Oh, Come on, big guy. Didn't your mother teach you about sharing?" Morgan whined but backed off when Casey pulled His Sig out of his waistband and silently begin to clean it.] The pain meds Casey was on only seemed to ramp up his hostility and both Grimes and Annie were at their wits end as to help him get off his butt and do the physical therapy required to regain his strength in his knee. One particular trying day, Casey had blown his top and had Morgan pushed off the sofa where Casey had planted himself, Sig in the gnome's face, Annie tugging violently on Casey's gun arm. Finally, Casey's eyes darted to his woman, and he backed down when he saw the tears streaming silently from her face. He left Morgan gasping for breath down on the floor, and dragging his damaged right leg, Casey leaned on chair by chair until he faced the steep stairs. Annie joined him, and silently, she put his arm over her shoulder, reminding him patiently which leg to ascend with. When they got to the top of the stairs, he turned and looked down at the short man still on the floor by the sofa. "Get the physical therapist here in an hour, Grimes. I refuse to go to his office." Casey grumbled, and then leaned down to wipe the Annie's tears with his t shirt. As the couple turned to get Casey to his bedroom to rest, Annie flashed Morgan a thumbs up sign. He grinned and snickered as he dialed the p.t.'s number.

3. He woke to the feel of snow flakes softly falling on his bruised and bloody head. He tried to get to his feet, but the bullet in his left side seared heated pain throughout his body. He fell down on all fours, trying to think as his body vomited from the wound. He was in an alley way, and by the position of the moon playing hide and seek in the snow clouds, it was about 11 at night. His dress uniform was torn, he had lost his jacket, and the Sig was also missing in action. He reached for his boot gun, and smirked when he located that one pistol they had overlooked. Drawing it out, he aimed and slowly looked up and down the alley for any perps left behind. When he saw no one he crawled to the nearest lamp post, and using that aid, he pushed up with his legs, to a crouching position. He noticed the church sign just about a half block away, and he begin to stagger slowly, and carefully in the building's direction. His foot hit something in the gravel, and looking down he located his cell phone, crushed and useless. Reholstering his boot gun, he noticed they had not taken his watch, and he pushed the g.p.s. locator button, knowing that somehow Chuck would find him soon. Blood streamed down onto his dress slacks, staining the navy wool a deep purple, but he thrust his right hand over the wound, and determinedly walked the block to the church where he knew he would find help. The back door was locked but he saw the lights still on in the pastor's office, so he leaned up on the window there and began to pound the glass. The woman inside leaped about 4 inches off her chair, and then swiveled to look at him. When she saw who it was, she gasped and ran out to help him. He fell into her arms, and she tenderly lowered him to the ground, and pressed on his side. He reached up with his bloody hand, and looked longingly into her brown eyes. His body shaking at the pain, he smiled, though, and softly whispered before he passed out, "Hey there, Parson, got some band aids?"

4. It was their first anniversary, and Colonel and Mrs. John Casey had reservations at the swankiest restaurant in Annie's hometown, the "Rusty Tractor". This was the Marine's first experience eating at this place, and he snickered to himself when they pulled up in his Crown Victoria and he saw several old tractors, indeed rusty, parked outside around the restaurant. Annie placed her arm in the crook of his, and leaned over giggling. "I know John, it doesn't look like much but they have the best yak burgers in the west here, and you will not go away hungry." Casey only humphed, and held the door open for his wife to enter. The wait staff had a back, secluded table reserved for them, and after the girl took their drink orders, they perused the menus, deciding on yak steak and baked potatoes for John, and a yak cheeseburger for the pastor. They talked in low hushed voices about Annie's latest congregational trials, and John's latest problem with his current roommate and fellow member of Team Bartowski, Morgan Grimes. When the order came, John grabbed Annie's hand and they said a quick prayer of blessing over the food. They were about half way through the wonderful feast, when they heard a commotion coming out of the bar located in the back of the restaurant. Several glasses were being shattered, and several choice words were being yelled at the top of someone's lungs. John's eyebrow went up, and his hand went automatically to his Sig in his waistband. Annie stilled his arm, and spoke quietly, "Let the locals take care of it, beloved." He stood motionless for a few minutes and then nodded, reholstering his favorite gun. They were just about to order dessert, when the bar door burst off its hinges and out flew a tall man, dressed in tight beige khaki pants, and a dirty t shirt with a buxom woman screen painted on it. The ruffian landed right beside John and Annie's table, and she jumped at the face down landing of his body. This time John already had his gun out and was standing over the man, who slowly turned over, and grinned up at the couple. "Hi ya, John, miss me lately?" Jayne Cobb jumped up, wiped the blood from his lip, kissed Annie on her cheek, "This your little misses, bro?" and clapped John on the N.S.A.'s shoulder. "Need to get my Vera out of them clutches of the local town winos." Cobb explained, flashing a bright smile, his brilliant sky blue eyes twinkling. He waved good bye and strolled back into the bar, fists raised high. Annie was standing very still, her hand clasped over an open mouth, her astonishment all over her face. John lowered his gun, and looked at Annie rather guiltily. "Yes, I know. He's the youngest on my family, my baby brother." Annie laughed out loud, as they continued to hear the bar getting busted up. As they left the restaurant, Annie patted John's arm and said, "I will never forget our first anniversary!"

5. Strapped down by plastic zip ties to an old chair, the man being beaten knew he had only a few more minutes before he would die. They had already cut him all over his bare chest and legs, and the sharp blade was already beginning to swipe slowly across his carotid artery. Suddenly, the cell door flew open and the man in charged yelled out, "Gelditu! Ez dizkioten moztu!" ["Stop! Don't cut on him!"] Immediately, the knife was pulled back, but John's blood slowly trickled down the cut on his neck, it's warm, coppery odor assaulted his broken nose. He tried to see who it was that stopped his torture, but both eyes were nearly swollen shut. Somewhere he recognized the voice. "Decker, what are you doing here?" Casey spat blood and spit onto the floor, his chest heaving from the loss of blood and the rage he felt at this C.I.A. traitor. Decker, hyperdermic needle in his hand, strolled over to Casey, bent down by his ear, and growled low, "saving your damn hide, Col." He reared up, and plunged the needle in Casey's upper arm, injected the fluid directly into the muscle. He threw the needle down on the floor, and waited as Casey begin to groan from the gut pain the sedative was causing.

"Askatu zuen nire arreta." ["Release him to my care.] Decker ordered, and the two men cut the zip ties, and grabbed Casey under the arm pits and forced him to follow Decker out of the cell and into a waiting S.U.V. Decker had them throw Casey in the back seat, and without a word, the driver and Decker pulled away quickly. Casey moaned out, "Dear God, where are we going?" Decker pulled down his visor and glanced back at the bloody man writhing from the pain. "Try not to get too much blood on the seat covers, Colonel. The General requested that I get you out of the Basque terrorist's holding cell and get you home to your...what did she call the woman? Your pastor?" Decker grinned evilly, and winked at the man in back. "Echo Park, I do believe." Casey sank back into the seat, his arms pulled tight around his aching gut, but a smile was on his face, and a prayer of thanksgiving for Annie's faithful vigilance was in his heart.


End file.
